I lost my job, and I feel like a failure
Updated: Aug 2, 2024
You are not alone
No one thinks about losing their job or transitioning into a different career, while the reality of such an occurrence is very likely. You have a 50% chance of losing your job in a lifetime due to a layoff or being fired. Should you be worried? The main objective of this blog is to prepare for the likely scenario. While we cannot predict everything, knowing what's coming and having a plan will reduce your anxiety. Its fear of the unknown and not knowing how to deal with it breeds destructive automatic thoughts.
What happens when you are laid off or fired
There are likely two scenarios you will face when such a situation occurs. The first is uncomfortable, and the second is devastating to the point you feel very anxious and depressed while you don't know what to do with yourself. I have personally experienced both scenarios. The first one feels much better than the second. In order to avoid falling into the pit of the emotional abyss, be proactive, which is the strategy shared toward the end of this article. However, if you are struggling right now, there is no need to worry; there is a way out.
The future is brighter than you perceive
When you have become accustomed to identifying with a particular career path and have been engaged in that path for many years, your brain will likely draw an error code when facing an unexpected termination or being laid off. The error code will appear as the following thought process: what can I do? I don't know anything else; I'm doomed! While there might be some truth that there might be a need to learn additional skills, the likelihood that your skills cannot be applied elsewhere is highly unlikely. Take the following steps to get out of the pit of despair.
Step 1: Get out of your head and create a plan
Get out of the head and seek an objective perspective. You will likely need to speak with a friend who can balance both being gentle and real with you. You are fragile, so you need a gentle approach while being objective will help you see where you cannot see yourself. If you don't have such a friend, do not worry; you can seek a therapeutic relationship with a professional counselor. This step aims to see you are not trapped and help you build a plan.
Step 2: Work on your plan
There will be a temptation to return to the old map of thinking and try to figure out what you did wrong and likely focus on many factors outside of your control. The way out of this trap is to have a clear goal and a plan. Once you have a clear plan, you must take the next step.
Step 3. Create a schedule
The next step is creating a routine involving structure with the following key ingredients. Consistent bedtime and wake-up time and meal schedule. Physical fitness routine, uninterrupted time allotted to professional development, sending resume and interviewing, socializing, and doing activities. You enjoy. Convincing your brain so you are not lost involves having a plan and following it; once you accomplish the first two steps, rinse and repeat.
Step 4. Reflect on your progress and adjust accordingly
You will likely experience setbacks. Be ready! The temptation is to interpret setbacks personally and fall right back into negative thinking. Try to be a scientist and see results as results rather than bad results. If you can see your results as results, you can adapt your approach and proceed. If you are stuck in your head, seek guidance from a friend or a professional to help you alter your plan.
Learn to accept change
While we cannot control external circumstances, you certainly have control over your response. Training your brain to look for the opportunity in each setback is a skill, not a gift. Our default way of thinking is holding on to the status quo and refusing to accept change. The old brain is programmed to assess change as dangerous. This process can be observed all around us. From adopting a new policy to creating a new healthy routine, you will find resistance. Resistance is the old brain saying no; it's dangerous or bad for you. No need to think too hard; this process is usually out of our awareness and can be observed by our behavior when we are forced to face change. Training your mind to welcome change as an opportunity for growth as a mindset and following up with routines that will reinforce change will help re-wire the old map from "change is bad" to "change is the opportunity to grow; growth is good."
Pro-actively build your resume with marketable skills
When you learn to welcome change by embracing the belief that change is inevitable, a fact of life, and reframe change as bad it as an opportunity for growth, you have accomplished 50% of the battle. At this point, you have welcomed change by engaging in growth-oriented behavior, building your resume, and expanding your skills. You have learned to be proactive. Instead of fearing change, you have embraced it and have been welcoming change, thus preparing yourself to face the inevitable. The difference is that you have now diversified your portfolio of skills, becoming more marketable and or possibly working on a hobby or side hustle that is starting to become an income stream.
We are here for you
Remember, your identity is not your job. You are much more than you might perceive, especially during this vulnerable time. Follow these four steps, and it's a matter of time until you find yourself in a position that resonates with you and you experience a new, better version of yourself. If you need help, it's not a sign of weakness. We specialize in dealing with loss, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, addiction, and trauma. Our offices serve VA, DC, and MD. Schedule a free consultation today.
