10 Steps to Building an Unshakable Confidence and Conviction in Yourself

Building Blocks of Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Getting Things Done

1. Start with a goal you are passionate about

2. Success Breeds Success

3. Apply Courage and Humility

4. Let go of Negative Emotions

5. Let go of Negative Influencers

6. Take the Initiative to learn new things

7. Commit and build mastery in areas you are interested

8. Do not follow the crowd; learn to go at your pace and only compare yourself to your last version

9. Be ready for the comparison trap

10. Create a habit of writing things down, prioritizing, scheduling, and following things through

Forming Goals (click here for a free goal-setting PDF)

The first step in building unshakable confidence and conviction in yourself is learning to form goals. Goals are necessary to build momentum toward your desired future. You cannot achieve a state of confidence and an unshakable conviction in yourself by being blown around like a leaf. Lacking direction follows the state of uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, and eventually depression. To build solid momentum, it's important to take the time to reflect on what you want to accomplish, starting with setting goals. When forming goals, it's important to find reachable and passionate goals. A good indication you have identified a good goal is one that you are passionate about, and one you believe is possible to reach. Therefore you are encouraged to focus on choosing a goal to stretch your current abilities while one that will be fueled by a passion for keeping you going through the challenges ahead.

Success Breeds Success

Leverage the small successes along the way and pace yourself. Let's say your big goal is to be a well-distinguished writer. Start writing daily and work on perfecting your craft. The entry-level goal can be to become good at writing blogs that connect with your audience. Once you build confidence in your ability to connect with others, it will be more believable that you can write a book. Your first book will be the next objective. Once you finish the book, you can start building on the momentum and seek the next challenge, pitching the book to a publisher or working on marketing the book on your own. The point here is success builds on the smaller successes that are built one on top of the other. To stack one success onto the other, you will need the commitment to see the goal through.

Apply Courage and Humility

Apply courage, put yourself out there, and have humility. Courage is the first step. Many fail without even trying. There is a saying that goes a long way. A sense of direction does not guarantee success, while a failure to start does. Don't forget to balance courage with humility upon mustering the courage to start. You will need both. In the beginning, you will be far away from mastery. This is normal. Be ready to seek out feedback. Humility will help you along with user feedback as the opportunity to move along to mastery. The reality is this, no one you admire today got there without the journey that involved courage to take the initiative and humility needed to learn from mistakes until they reached the level worth admiring.

Let Go of All Negative Emotions.

Holding on to negative emotions is not only costly on a physiological level, but it is also one of the common barriers to the mind that cannot transition to a positive, growth-oriented mindset, which is critical to goal setting and achieving. This step can be challenging for those who have experienced painful events. Processing trauma might require the need of a professional. Whether it is trauma or other painful emotions you harbor, learning to let go frees up your mind to focus on what is essential, which is your next big goal!

The Power of Forgiveness and Letting Go

Remember that while you might have a compelling reason to harbor resentment toward another, your argument for the negative emotion is likely very logical. The problem with holding on to negative emotions is that you trap yourself in a state of a victim, giving power to those you resent while keeping your wound fresh and present. The challenge here is to recognize that those who experienced trauma are victims in the very definition of the sense and likely did not deserve the experience. It is equally important to consider that by holding on to any form of negative emotions, you are renting out your most expensive real estate, which is your brain, to those who certainly don't deserve it! Learn to let go. If you have been struggling with this step, it might be time to seek support from a trauma therapist trained in CBT or EMDR.

Manage External Negativity While Embracing Constructive Feedback.

After you have healed your wounds and let go of any negative emotions, it's time to focus on the external factors. They can be powerful and can have a negative influence on you. Along your journey, you want to surround yourself with people who will believe in you and encourage you while giving you the honest feedback you can use to improve. The key is a balance between encouragement and constructive feedback. Get rid of any haters who are there to bring you down. Who are they? They are the people who are primarily negative and lack any form of encouragement. Please remember negative people likely lack any sense of direction or have any worthy sense of accomplishment and get a sense of significance by bringing others down. Yes, this message might mean you might want to not share your ideas with even family members or friends with a reputation for being negative. Remember this fact, people who are in harmony with themselves and have amassed some level of success worth admiring will never talk down to you; they are either busy focusing on their goals and will not notice you or will likely admire your work because they know precisely the difficulty of the path you are treading. Let go of the rest.

Invest in Diversification of Self-Development

You might remember saying, "don't place all of your eggs in one basket." You are encouraged to diversify your interests and work on building competency in multiple areas. In the beginning, you will need to practice the courage to take the initiative to try new experiences; once you find something that captivates your attention, lean into that interest, commit, and stick to it to build mastery. If you need some external encouragement, watch the children's play. At an early age, all they do is take the initiative and fail miserably along the way. They won't quit but stick to it and eventually find mastery, building their sense of confidence. Re-ignite the little rascal in you and expand your interest while building competency in areas you find along the way interesting. The more competency areas you can claim, the less vulnerable you will be when setbacks come.

Let Go of the External Validation.

You will be tempted to seek external validation and do what is conventionally accepted. No need to think too hard; doing what is conventional and acceptable is hard-wired into us as a default program. Watch the behavior; you will find yourself avoiding taking the initiative and giving up because those around you might not like or approve of your idea. Here is where it's important to review history. Great thinkers such as Socrates, Jesus, Copernicus, Einstein, Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks, Elon Musk, and others were driven by their goals and were not looking for external validation. Once you grab onto a goal worth chasing, you will find your passion, purpose, need for growth, and connection, moving you to act courageously. This is very difficult while possible if you surround yourself with people who will believe in you and also give you valuable feedback. Feedback is necessary. Adjusting your approach is necessary, while accepting social conventions due to fear or rejection must be discouraged.

Social Media and the Comparison Trap.

On your way to achieving your goals, be ready for the comparison trap. I can assure you it will be there.

I have worked with and continue to work with clients who are working on restoring a false perception of reality due to the conditioning resulting from engagement in social media. While I do not have anything against social media, I will caution you it is designed to create the perception you are missing out and or focusing on arising jealousy or negative self-perception. As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Gemma Sharp eloquently said, " social media conditions us to be aspirational and make upwards comparisons, where we feel worse about ourselves and our bodies." Focusing on running your race, powered by the wisdom which speaks the timeless message-- you cannot be other than the best version of self and the passion connected to your goals, you will carry on. Spend less time on social media and more time in the real world, connecting with others and focusing on your goals.

A Simple System to Move Your Idea to Completion (Click here for a free Organization PDF)

Now I'm hoping you are motivated and inspired to set your goals while you might be thinking about your past failures to stay organized and follow through with an idea or project. You are not alone. Below is a system to help you create a habit to address this problem. The system is based on a few simple foundational principles.

Here they are:

• You will forget it if it's not written.

• It will not be done if you don't schedule an actionable step.

• If you don't prioritize, you will be doing the wrong task or distracting yourself from doing something important.

• Therefore it's essential to create a habit of writing things down, prioritizing, and scheduling.

• If a great idea comes to you, write it down immediately.

• Review your notes daily and place any actionable tasks on your calendar based on priority.

• Review the follow-up tasks at the end of the task and schedule that task based on priority on your calendar.

• Please don't be discouraged; this skill will take time, like any skill. You will get better with time.

Not sure where to start?

Consider the following universal drivers: the need for physical health, mental growth, a sense of significance, connection, love, and contribution. You are likely on the right track if you can form a goal to capture two to three of these needs. If you are still lost, seek the guidance of a mentor or a professional in the area you are seeking to develop. We are here for you to help you organize, prioritize, process and heal. Just reach out, and we'll help you organize and build a map toward your goals.